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partygirlxox
On a top ten list of things I hate, myself and alcohol are fighting it out for first place right now.

post
partygirlxox
Originally posted by lady_leia_solo at post
Originally posted by [personal profile] sharpeningthebones

Please, please, please signal boost, even if you cannot donate.

As most of you know, I am on various types of medication. This is not a problem, as I have insurance that covers my meds and lets me get them for relatively inexpensive prices.

What my insurance no longer covers is my psychiatrist.

I ran out of medication on Thursday and I am starting to hit that state of 'My brain is screwed up and I am going through withdrawal'.

I'm...not really doing that well off of them. I'm trying to stay sane and safe but it's rather hard at the moment.

I can schedule an appointment next Friday and have money, both my mother and I will have been paid b then, so we will have the money to do it, but I'm not sure i can deal with being off my meds or that long.

So, I was hoping anyone who would be willing to, could donate.

I can do a number of things which I will list below, and while I won't put a price tag on anything, I will ask that you donate something if you want me to do things.

Normally, in a regular crowdfunding situation, I would structure things differently but I really need the money to get to see my doctor at this point and I'm out of ideas for anything else to do.

So, what I am willing to do:
Tarot readings
Drawings
Writing
Content editing
Audio recordings
Gathering links/researching

If you see anything you are interested in, please poke me in the comments or at spareusadream@gmail.com

Any donations can be made to toomanytongues@gmail.com and if you could, in the comments, tell me what you would like done.

This entry can also be found on DW at: http://leia-solo.dreamwidth.org/364022.html

(no subject)
partygirlxox
So lonely and anxious all the time.

I suck at university. I suck at life.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

(Will definitely feel better once I've slept and read more of The Hobbit, just want to revel in my misery for a little while longer ok)

ipod shuffle game!
partygirlxox
Stolen fromfancydressmasks.

ipod shuffle game

you and i walk a fragile line
now i'm in town, break it down, thinking of making a new sound
it doesn't matter what i want
time to escape the clutches of a name
desperate but not hopeless
i watch the breeze carry the raindrops
i'm sick of all this waiting
swinging in the backyard
shadows settle on the place that you left
this to a call to arms.

That was way more fun than it should've been.
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(no subject)
partygirlxox
A level results come out tomorrow and I am absolutely terrified.

And because I'm so anxious about that, instead of me just focusing on it and blocking more trivial worries(/problems that only exist inside my own head, basically) out, as sometimes happens, my anxiety about everything else is heightened and I just feel really on edge and incapable of functioning like a normal human being.

I'm actually at work right now but - in case you didn't guess - barely getting anything done because, even though my job is super simple and I'm good at it, I just don't feel up to it at all (which makes me feel really guilty, but not enough to stop me from wasting time writing this entry, clearly). I've generally been full of anxiety lately; I'm not sure if that's just because of the stress of being away from home/having very little ~me time (though I generally speaking had a really lovely holiday, and no major breakdowns - thank god -, just a constant undercurrent of anxiety that made some days pretty difficult) and now the stress of exam results, but I do think I need to do something about this because I'm falling more and more into the trap of self medicating with alcohol, and while that's not a huge issue right now it could easily become one.

I am so so scared about these results, though. There's so much pressure and I so want to go to St Andrew's, and the more I think about the summer exams the less likely it seems that I will have done even relatively well. I went in with As so I know whatever happens I'll almost definitely have done well enough to get in SOMEWHERE, even if I have to go through clearing; I've just got overly invested in the idea of St Andrew's, really, and I feel like if I don't get into there I'll be letting myself and everyone else down. People - friends, family, even colleagues - are all so dismissive when I say I'm not confident about how I've done and just treating me getting in for granted...they see results as a formality, basically. It's going to be especially annoying if I've not done as well as I should because I worked SO FREAKIN' HARD for these exams, and I knew more than enough for most of the papers but time management always let me down because as always I planned to set aside time for that but never got around to it (because of...uh...poor time management. Ha.).

I think I should be okay if I could just spend the day doing mindless internet/tv things and comfort eating, but I'm super busy...I'm at work til 2 (only an hour and a half left, really need to end this entry soon), then meeting Anna to do GISHWHES things all day. I was thinking being busy would be the best thing for me, but thus far that's not proving to be the case. Hopefully it'll be better once I'm not so isolated/focused on something more interesting. Scared a pessimistic as I am, I'm past the point of wanting to bury my head in the sand about this; I just want to KNOW already. Today cannot go fast enough.

writerverse table :3
partygirlxox
01.Song: China Roses02.Word: Snow03.Word: Kerfuffle
04.Quote: Anne Lamotte05.Phrase: Blowing off steam06.Word: Capricious
07.Picture: Autumn Colors08.Song: The Unforgiven III09.Word: Ocean
10.Person: Athena11.Word: Midnight12.Picture: True Colors
13.Phrase: Knickers in a twist14.Quote: Elie Wiesel15.Word: Auspicious


(no subject)
partygirlxox
I JUST FINALLY TYPED OUT THAT FUCKING MEME THING AND THEN MY COMPUTER CRASHED AND IT DIDN'T FUCKING SAVE ANY OF IT UGH LIVEJOURNAL I HATE YOU

Writerverse drabble - 'Welcoming death'
partygirlxox
After the funeral the 'top guests' - the name Amelie had tactlessly allocated to those closest to the dead, as if a greater loss was somehow something to be proud of - returned to the Turners' house for food and talk and music; it was like a sick joke, all the friends and relatives who had so readily cast Sophie aside during her life now coming together to reminisce, to coo over baby photos and talk about how beautiful and clever and special she was. A party for a dead girl.

Jack stayed inside for half an hour or so, smiling through gritted teeth, before it all became too much, stifled by the smiles and the laughs and the choked back tears and he hurried outside, nearly tripping over Maia on the doorstep as he did so.

She glanced up at him and flashed a strained smile, wiping furiously at the tears still streaming down her face.
 'Are you-?'
'Oh, please don't ask me if I'm okay, Jack.' It broke his heart to hear her sound so old and weary at such a young age. 'I'm so sick of people asking me that. And saying it's all going to be okay, because it's not. She's  dead, and that's never going to be okay - there's nothing anyone can say or do that'll change that.'

Jack sighed and say down beside her, taking her hand in his (it was awkward - they'd never exactly been close, what with her being three years younger and in with a very different crowd - but also weirdly comforting, holding someone whose pain must equal his own - someone who understood). She flinched but didn't pull away,her anger appearing to thaw a little.
'Sometimes I wish it would all just happen now. All the pain, everything and everyone I'm going to lose...it sounds awful, but it's going to happen, isn't it? I feel like I'm just waiting for everything to fall apart and it's a horrible horrible thing to want but sometimes I just wish it would happen, get it over with so I could just resign myself to being miserable all the time.' Se let out a long deep sigh, her free hand still dabbing at leftover tears. 'I'm miserable as it is, but I'm scared too - really, really scared, and I'm hopeful too and that's what scares me the most. I'm not sure I can keep on living with all this fear and all this hope inside me - I'm just not sure I'm strong enough.'
Her voice broke on the final word and she pulled away from Jack, burying her head in her hands while he patted her awkwardly, his mind racing through her words in search of a loophole - a flaw in her thoughts, something he could pull apart and fix her in the process.

'I think it has to be like that,' he said finally, lacking confidence in his words even as they tripped out of his mouth and into the ears of the broken little girl beside him.
'How so?'
'It gives us something to live for, doesn't it? Hope and fear. If everything was okay all the time, the special times wouldn't be as special and we wouldn't be motivated to do things or change things or work hard or help people because...'
'And is that how you feel now?' Maia sat up suddenly, the fire in her eyes making her suddenly resemble Sophie in a way she never had before, 'Now that Sophie's dead and everything's ruined? Really motivates you to make a difference, does it?'
Silence.
'No,' he said finally, 'No, it doesn't.'
'I'm sorry.' The fire was gone and he could hear genuine remorse in her voice, the sweet and caring nature of the old Maia.
'You don't have to-'
'Do you really think it's worth it, Jack?' Maia interrupted, 'All the pain and the loss and the loneliness and the misery, all to be alive? All when you could just be dead and not feel anything or bother anyone at all.'
The thought had certainly crossed his mind, but hearing her say it shocked him nonetheless.
'You don't really think that, do you?'
'Sophie did.'
'Sophie was messed up, Maia.'
'Do you really think that? Or doesn't it make a hell of a lot more sense to just end it all than to keep on suffering and suffering, all for the occasional little glimpse of happiness?'
'Maia-'
'You say messed up, I say smart.' She smirked and gave a laugh so utterly devoid of humour it was practically a shriek. 'Matter of opinion, I guess.'
'Is that what you want, then?' He knew he shouldn't yell at her - not when they were both so fragile, not when she was his dead ex girlfriend's crushed little sister and hurting more than possibly even he could imagine - but he was getting desperate, terrified at the prospect of letting another Turner sister slip away. 'You've seen how heartbroken everyone is - all those distraught friends and family, everything they're going through, and you want to put them all through it again?!' Her lip was beginning to quiver and he knew he should stop but he just couldn't seem to help himself. 'That's fucking sick, Maia. I never saw you as the selfish type.'

Tear spilled down her cheeks, her whole face contorting into a pained grimace (how do you stop when you've already gone too far?)
He took a deep breath.
'I'm sorry, Maia. I shouldn't have said that. I just miss her so, so fucking much and the thought of losing you as well-'

She didn't say anything but let him link their hands again, and they sat like that in silence for a while - both of them wondering if life was ever truly worth it.
Tags:

Bold the things you've done (:
partygirlxox
Graduated high school.
Kissed someone.

Collected something really stupid.
Smoked a cigarette.
Got so drunk you passed out.
Rode every ride at an amusement park.
Gone to a rock concert.
Helped someone.

Gone fishing.
Watched four movies in one night.
Gone long periods of time without sleep.
Lied to someone.
Snorted cocaine.
Failed a class.
Smoked weed.

Dealt drugs.
Been in a car accident.
Been in a tornado.
Done hard drugs (i.e. ecstasy, heroin, crack, meth, acid).
Watched someone die. (...my cat...yeah, I'm counting it.)
Been to a funeral.
Burned yourself.

Ran a marathon.
Cried yourself to sleep.
Been on a plane.

Been cheated on.
Written a 10 page letter.
Gone skiing.
Been Sailing.
Had a best friend.
Lost someone you loved.
Shoplifted something.

Been to jail.
Dangerously close to being in jail.
Skipped school.
Had detention.

Got in trouble for something you didn’t do.
Stolen books from the library.
Gone to a different country.

Dropped out of school.
Been in a mental hospital.
Watched the “Harry Potter” movies.
Had an online diary.

Had a yard sale.
Had a lemonade stand.
Actually made money at the lemonade stand.
Been in a school play.
Been fired from a job.
Taken a lie detector test.
Swam with dolphins.
Gone to Sea World.
Voted for someone on a reality TV show.
Written poetry.
Read more than 20 books a year.
Gone to Europe.

Loved someone you shouldn’t have.
Used a colouring book over age 12.
Had surgery.
Had stitches.
Taken a taxi.
Seen the Washington Monument.
Had more than 5 IM’s/online conversations going at once.

Overdosed.
Had a drug or alcohol problem.
Been in a fist fight.
Suffered any form of abuse.
Gone surfing in Australia.
Had a hamster/guinea pig/rat
Pet a wild animal.
Used a credit card.
Did “spirit day” at school.
Dyed your hair.
Got a tattoo.
Had something pierced.
Got straight A’s.
Been on the Honor Roll.
Known someone with HIV or AIDS.
Made-out with someone.
Played on a sports team.
Snuck out of the house.
Swore at a teacher.
Gone laser tagging.
Had a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Been on the TV.
French braided.
Skinny-dipped.
Driven a car.
Performed in front of an audience.
Been in love.
Had a blonde moment.
Been on a train.

Seen a ghost.
Gone bungee-jumping.
Been to Mexico.
Crashed a car.
Sky dived.
Been kissed in the rain.
Made an 11:11 wish.
Drank alcohol.
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personality quiz results (:
partygirlxox
placed under a cut to prevent me clogging up your f-lists...Collapse )

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